Appt #17 – OB
(almost 29 weeks)
I tried to calm myself the whole way to the visit, but it was impossible. By the time I got called back into the exam room, my blood pressure was 150/85, pulse in the low 100’s. The medical assistant’s eyes got real big and she asked why my blood pressure was so high. I told her I was really nervous and that it’s never that high. Then I check my urine, and sure enough I have a very small amount of glucose in there. Again the medical assistant asks why, since I never usually have glucose in my urine. I tell her its been a stressful week and my sugars are running a little higher. She then asks why I didn’t do the 24 hour urine collection and why I didn’t get an echo done for myself. I tell her I never knew about the echo and I didn’t do the urine because they did everything in the hospital last week. She looks at me like she thinks I’m a little nuts.
Then the tears start flowing….and they don’t stop. She quietly says she’ll get the doctor and sneaks out of the room. I tell her before she closes the door, “no students!”
In walks Dr G. I’m sobbing. I tell him my anxiety is through the roof.
“What are you anxious about? Don’t be anxious. Let me see your sugars.”
He glances briefly at the top page and says, “these aren’t bad,” and hands them back, me still weeping.
**Cue Dr G’s cellphone**:
He lets it ring, adding to the awkwardness/humor of the moment.
It finally stops.
I attempt to tell him through my tears how cruddy my week has been, how its all just too much, my blood pressure isn’t really that high, how bad the visit was with the other doctor, how I can’t get a handle on things, I’m tired, I’m upset…I’m a mess.
**Cue 2nd phone call : **
He silences it this time. He says he wants to see me every week now and makes me promise to do my 24 hr urine collection, otherwise he’d be tempted to send me back to the hospital for elevated blood pressure. I promise. And cry some more.
**Cue 3rd phone call**
Now its all just a little embarrassing for both of us. He tells the person he will call them back.
A whole 3 minutes into the visit, he’s walking out the door. As he’s halfway out he says “anything else bothing you?” SO of course I bring up induction. I can see some annoyance on his face. I keep begging for a “plan” or some semblance of plan, or some idea of what HE is thinking for “the end”. What options there are, what we do in each situation, etc. I need to make sure continuously that we are on the same page.
He pulls the big baby card again. Except this time I ask what he considers to be “too big.”
“NINE POUNDS?!? Seriously?”
“Nine pounds is too big for anyone. I’ll see you next week.”
Now I’m angry. And how do I get my anger out? Cue the waterworks! I’ve never had this poor a visit with Dr G, he normally takes more time, seems more patient and is a little more willing to dialogue. But at the same time, I’ve had an uneasiness for most of our relationship. A sense that maybe we aren’t on the same page. A sense that he’s not super confident about dealing with a diabetic. A sense that he may be “winging it” for now and will make decisions near the end. A sense that he isn’t exactly encouraging and supportive in my quest for an all natural birth. Some may think that’s ok and normal. But my previous OB was the exact opposite. He was confident, he spent at least 20mins with me per visit, going over and over different plans and options, even at the very beginning of this pregnancy (before he left the practice). I know there are doctor’s out there like that and I feel I haven’t been getting that. Call me high maintenance. I kinda am, I’ll admit it.
Within an hour after my appointment, I wrote my doula and asked for referrals for natural-friendly, diabetic-friendly, big baby-friendly OBs. And she gave me a short list to check out and get some consultations set up. Maybe I’ll stick with Dr G. Maybe not. But just taking the step in searching out other options instantly eased some of my tension, made me feel more in control of my care. Made me feel like I had choices. Here we go!